You've been Warned

I've pleaded. I've begged. I've asked nicely that you leave my lawn alone, but you didn't listen. You left me with no decision but to start killing your family. I'm blowing up your homes, I'm poisoning your young, and then I'm trapping those of you who survive for a nice Sunday meal.

I'm really a nice guy, but when you put bumps in my nice flat lawn, you've crossed the line. Adios rat face!

New Bathroom

I know many have been waiting on the edge of their seats for me to complete the kids' bathroom. Well, your three month wait is now over.
I'm really pleased with how it turned out. I went and got all creative with the tile and it looks great. I guess my 1st grade teacher, Mrs Gardner, was right. I am creative!
Of course, the big test is when we turn on the water and there isn't a small water fall into the rooms below.
Here are some before and after photos.

Bad Cop, No Doughnut

When I was younger, I had a small problem with authority. Of my many questionable ideas, I didn't think the speed limit pertained to me. While in college in Idaho, where speeding tickets were only $5o, I was pulled over an amazing amount of times. By the time I was 23, I believe I had collected about 17 moving violations!! And that doesn't even account for the times I was caught speeding and given a warning.

The combination of being an idiot, having a job with money to spend, being on my parents' insurance, and having a fast car almost cost me my right to drive.

I remember being away at college, probably having accumulated 3-5 speeding tickets in the previous few months when my Dad called. He told me that their insurance company had just notified them that their rates would be going up since I had gotten a ticket. Yes, 'a' ticket....singular. I recall thinking, "wait 'till the insurance company finds about the other four tickets." Sorry about that Mom and Dad.

The good news is, since my marriage (and the chance to pay for my own insurance), I haven't gotten any tickets! That's almost 13 years of being a slow-poke. Now days, I get passed all the time, especially by those college-age punks!

Unfortunately, my lovely wife has taken a different approach since our marriage. She likes to amass a ticket every 1-2 years, just enough for me to raise my blood pressure. Most have been of the speeding variety, but my favorite was being caught by a traffic camera rolling through a red-light, on a cell phone, with the kids in the back seat, eating a pizza, smoking a cigarette (maybe a slight exaggeration). Say 'cheese'. The funny thing is that every time she gets pulled over, she does what every woman should do...cry like you've never cried before. But for Mon, it's been to no avail, she undoubtedly still gets the ticket....until this week. She was pulled over and after some theatrics that only a professional actress would be proud of, she DIDN'T get a ticket. Good job Monica.

Big Girly Bunny

Every year at this time, I find myself lying to my children again about the whole Easter Bunny story. Who came up with this character?...and what was he smoking? At least the Santa Claus story was thought out and makes sense...in a fairy-tale-way. But a bunny that breaks into every one's home and hides their eggs? At ages where questions need to be answered, my kids have lots of questions about the huge bunny and I have no answers.
Would I be a bad Dad by telling them it's all a hoax? Would telling the truth about the bunny carry-over to ruining Christmas? Would this increase the chances of my kids ending up in jail?
Another interesting foot note about the bunny in our family is that Caleb, 6, refers to the Easter Bunny in the feminine. "How does she get into the house?" Or "How does she get to every house in the world in one night?" When we asked him why he thought the Easter Bunny was a girl today, he held up a decorative bunny, wearing pastel-colored clothes, with pink and yellow flowers, and said in a matter-of-fact tone, "would a boy wear these clothes?" Well said my son, well said.

Back From Suspension

And we're back. My suspension is over. I'd like to apologize to all my fans who missed me....and tell them to get a life.

Caleb's basketball season came to an end. We all had a great time watching him this year. I'm a little biased, but the kid is a natural. He dominated those 5-6 year olds.

Here's a quick look at the last few weeks. (As always, you must actually visit the blog site Keeping Toddlers out of Jail, to view the videos) We have become a skiing family. I've started to take Abby and she became quite good in a short time. I'm pretty sure of her motivation when she frequently asked questions like "where does Caleb ski? I want to go there" or "does Caleb go as fast as me?". With the huge amounts of snow, we spent "spring" break skiing as a family. It was the first time we've all been together on the slopes and it was loads of fun. We had one day of fresh snow and another day of sunshine, a perfect way to end the season.

Our one mishap happened the first time up a different chair-lift for Abby. Getting off the chair was a little more steep than she was use to and when Abby saw the drop off she clung to the chair. So as I got off, Abby stayed on the chair screeching as she took a ride above me. The lift operator stopped the chair lift and I was able to get able to jump into my out-stretched arms.

One funny thing that I've seen both Caleb and Abby do is sing while they ski. During particularly long runs, I've overheard both kids, when alone, singing. It's both very cute and quite odd at the same time.

Caleb and I scored a few tickets to watch the Harlem Globetrotters. They put on a great show for the kids. The Washington Generals put up a great fight, but came up a little short again. Maybe next game Generals.

Monica did a show in Portland, which meant it was single-parent time for yours truly. It was week full of Ramon and Chef Boardee products. Good times.

My frugalness (most call it being cheap) has continued to become a part our lives. We have stocked up on food and supplies for dirt cheap prices. I've found several websites that list deals at pharmacies and grocery stores and then taken advantage of what's available in our area. It has taken some time, and I still have a lot to learn, but I'm totally hooked on free toothpaste, free burgers and all the other sweet deals. The picture of the cans of soup was a sweet deal I found at Albertsons. After the coupons and instant rebates, I made $10!

We've made a long term goal of sailing for a year starting in the summer of 2017. Rough estimates have been discussed on how much money we'll need, hence the need to save more. I've always wanted to travel with my kids to other parts of the world for a variety of reasons and sailing seems like a natural way to accomplish that goal for an extended period of time. And yes, Monica has agreed to come.

The purchase of a sailboat has morphed into the perfect excuse to not spend money. Every time we tell the kids 'no', they respond by asking if we're still saving money to buy a big sail boat. The excuse may have reached it's limit yesterday when Caleb came and told me he's figured out a way to get lots of money to buy our sailboat, "you just have to put all your jewelry into an envelope and send it in!"

With the snow melting, home projects have started around our place. Among them are a total remodel of the kids' bathroom, new counter tops and back splash in the kitchen, painting the walls in several rooms, creating a space for Monica to teach Piano in the den, finishing touches on the shop, and a continued quest for a soccer/base ball field at Wallace park.

I've even had to expand my remodel skills into the world of plumbing. Hopefully we won't have a waterfall into the living room every time the kids take a shower.

In case an moles are reading this blog, (not people who lie to others, actual moles) this is your final warning. Stay away from our property or prepare to take a long dirt nap.

John Stockton Jr.

My son Caleb, 6, is playing in a basketball league this winter. It's a league sponsored by a local Christian church. It's been a fun time for the whole family. The league is very well organized with an exciting introduction before each game, full uniforms and even cheerleaders. For those girls who aren't interested in playing basketball, they have cheer leading starting as young as age 5.

The league has set up a tunnel that all the players run through during team introductions. They put out smoke, play some cool music and then all the parents line up for the kids to run by. It's quite a scene and the kids soak it up. I'm sure it does wonders for all the kids' confidence for them to feel like the entire gym is cheering for them.

Basketball has a special place in my heart and I'm excited to share my love for the game with him. We've gone to several high school games (if we go during the J.V. games, we don't have to pay to watch the varsity game afterword) and we also watch games together on television.

He's had a great time playing in this league and has really been a blast to watch. Even though Basketball at his level is very difficult to watch. It's a sport that requires a lot of coordination and an understanding of all the rules. Soccer and tee ball are much more simple to teach and play at his age. That said (and of course I'm very biased), Caleb has really excelled on his team. He's learning more fundamentals each week and more importantly, he's being aggressive. Most kids at his age are quite shy when playing sports. But Caleb has a drive in him that causes him to stay aggressive during sports, it's something that I don't think can be taught, especially at 6 years old.
Last week's game, for example, of the 25 shots his team took, Caleb probably took 20 of them. This week, his coach taught him to pass to his teammates more, so several times Caleb would dribble quickly to the basket, but instead of shooting, he passed the ball perfectly to his teammates. It was a blast to watch. That said, we kept track of the teams shots this week and Caleb still took 11 of the team's 20 shots.

I know I'm a total homer and I suppose I should be, since I'm his Dad. But I couldn't be more proud of how much he enjoys playing sports.

I grew up idolizing the great John Stockton of the Utah Jazz. Watch these videos and tell me there isn't a resemblance.

(The vidoes can't be viewed via email, you have to go directly to the website at jailfreewallacefamily.blogspot.com)

Winter Sports

With the freezing temperatures lately, it's been hard on me and the kids having to stay indoors all day. We still have a couple feet on the ground, but it may as well be granite rock all over after weeks of freezing temperatures and no new snow.

We have found a few activities to keep the kids from iCarly and Spongebob. We went roller skating with Caleb's school night. It was both Caleb and Abby's first time on roller skates and it was a lot of fun to watch...Yes, I said watch. There's no way I'm strapping on a pair of those coccyx crunchers again. Monica did skate around with the kids until they both told her to let them skate by themselves. They held different activities for the kids that night including a race. And when they invited the kids who wanted to participate, Caleb was the first out there. Monica and I thought about telling him that he shouldn't participate since this was his first time and that he was a really really slow skater...but what fun would that be? Thankfully, they divided the kids up age and Caleb's group only had three kids. The race consisted of one kid who knew how to skate, who made it around the cones in about 20 seconds, while Caleb and the other kid took a painfully long 5 minutes to skate/scoot/walk around the cones. It was quite a scene as the other kids cheered on Caleb and his buddy to the finish line.

Abby has been ice skating about 10 times since last year. She's becoming quite good according to Monica. She refuses to be with her Mom there also. She started out using a bar that's held like an old person's walker, but has since gone bar-free. If she can stay bar-free, it'll help with my goal in rasing kids who stay out of jail...get it? Bar-free! I crack myself up.

Both kids continue thier sports endeavors of basketball and gymnastics. We love watching them gain confidence in themselves. Both are involved in programs that promote trying new things and being a team player, which is important at their young ages. They can learn to be selfish later.

Caleb and I also finally made it up the mountain to go skiing last week for the first time this year. He started right where he left off last year and even skied the last half of the day without the edgy-wedgie. The edgy-wedgie is, other than my all-time favorite name of a product, a little rubber tubing that holds kids' ski tips together. Try saying 'edgy-wedgy' five times without smiling.

Hopefully we'll get either more snow or some warmer weather soon, (40 degrees! That's not too much to ask for is it?) so we can start playing outside again.

Change is in the Air

This is not a political post, but I believe everybody has felt the change in the air the last few months. New president, poor economy, planes crash-landing WITH survivors, and now I have left my 8 year relationship with my TREO and bought an iphone. I know, I know..shocking.


Let me explain: We've all seen the media bomb-bard us with how everyone is loosing their house, loosing their job and loosing their retirement savings. Though, I think this is mostly a pile of crap since I still can't find a parking spot within a 1/2 mile of Costco or Wal-Mart and we waited in 1-2 hour lines in Las Vegas for restaurants, I do however think that good will come out of the media's slanted position. Simply stated: debt is dumb financing, and if more people get out of debt, this is good. I sincerely think that most people were in just as much debt last year as they are now, the only thing that has changed after all the hype is now they're realizing that they should stop spending beyond their means and get out of debt.

I personally don't have a problem with debt, thanks mostly to selling our home just before the housing bubble busted and paying off all our debt. That said, all this talk about the economy has prompted me to try do some things differently in order to pump-up our savings and retirement while I believe stocks/funds are on sale. And don't forget that we WILL sail the tropics on a sweet sweet sail boat someday!

In order to increase my savings, I've gone to the ultimate research tool, the internet, and I've been following 15-20 blogs on ways to save money. Most of the ideas are coupon and sale related. It takes some time to learn, but I've got time on my side. Here's a short list of somethings I've done in the last month:


*Refinance our mortgage. Incredible rates are available, though they've climbed in the the last week. I wish we could have gone to a 15 or 20 year loan, but not yet. Savings: $300+/month.
*Called Direct TV, went directly to the cancellation dept. and told them I was switching to Dish Network with their promo offer. They offered to drop their rates for one year. Savings: $23/month.
*We have 3 cars and changing the oil is a priority for me as I plan on keeping them for a long time. Every 3000 miles, the oil/filter gets changed. Taking them to a quick oil change place cost anywhere from $26-$40. It's dirty, but doesn't require much brain power to change the oil myself. It costs approx. $12-$18 for the oil and filter. With three cars changed three times per year, that's a potential savings of $80-$170/year.
*We continue to heat our house with a wood stove. I'm always looking for free wood and good deals in the summer. It takes some work to stack, split and bring the wood inside, but the payoff can be huge. We have a fairly large home and we average about $105-$120/month in electric/gas bills. Talking to other home owners in the area, they pay $250-$300/month in the winter. That's a potential savings of about $2000/year.
*I'm new to coupons, but I'm learning quickly. With the plan of matching coupons with store sales, there are some sweet deals. Ever see the ladies on the news that buy $150 of groceries for only $6.50? Thats what I want to do....except I'm a Man!! (A nurse who uses coupons...but I'm still a man!) We are fortunate to have a large pantry and plenty of space for storage. So the plan is by searching for deals on foods we eat, then stock-piling by buying a bunch at a time. I've already started and I've loaded up on spaghetti sauce ($.46/jar), chili ($.80/can), and cereal ($.99/box). I've learned that most stores and manufactures cycle their sales every 3-4 months, so the method of buying enough for 3-4 months should pay off.


Is anybody wondering what this has to to do with buying a $300 phone? Monica has agreed to let me do the grocery shopping (I know, how nice of her). But with some organization tools that are provided on the iphone including applications that allow for comparative shopping, and the ability to have the internet with me always, I'm sure I can save our family hundreds of dollars per month. It's a huge challenge, but I'm for it. I'll keep you updated.

If you look really close, you can see me, Mon and Abby on the deck. Caleb must be making sandwiches down below.

Am I in Heaven?

Thursday was a beautiful day. Caleb (my six year old) and I went to watch a couple high school games. We watched the J.V. (if you go to the J.V game, it's free) and the Varsity games of the mighty Mead District rivalry game between Mt. Spokane High and Mead High. Both games were close and fun to watch. I love it that Caleb likes to go to games with me. He may be more excited that we eat nachos and popcorn for dinner than actually watching the game, but I'll take the father-son time any way I can get it.
We got home in time to watch the Gonzaga University game that had been recorded when I realized the Utah Jazz were also on TV...How could this night get any better?? Thank goodness for the DVR so I could record both games and then watch them without commercials. Just as I was heading for bed after watching four games, guess who the guest analyst after the Jazz game was...only the greatest power-forward of all time, Karl Malone. He also was a permanent fixture on my wall while growing up, in addition to playing a little basketball.
I can only imagine this is what those of us who do what God says, will get to do after we die.

A week in Paris

Monica spent six days last week in Anaheim, CA for a scrapbook convention. With her gone, it was single-parent time for me. (i.e. Mac-n-Cheese, Spaghetti's, and cheese quesadillas) I can't imagine being a parent without a microwave. I know I'm pathetic, since I didn't even have to work while she was gone, but I now have a great respect for what she and many parents around the world do everyday.

With me cooking (OK maybe I'm using the verb 'cooking' loosely, but this is my blog, so wipe that smirk off your face) three meals a day and providing for our kids, Monica was hamming it up with her scrapbook friends. She even spent some time with Paris Hilton.....yes, that Paris Hilton. I'm not sure where to start with this strange situation, I just have too many questions.

1) What was Paris Hilton doing at a scrapbook convention? I just can't imagine Paris hanging out with her pals cutting out paper, photos, and decorations.
2) Why was Monica with Paris Hilton? Come on, where was Angelina Jolee or Julia Roberts? Of all the celebrities, it had to be one of the famous people in the world that is only famous for being born. She's not talented, she's not gifted, she hasn't done anything newsworthy...all she did was be born....into a rich family.

3) Why couldn't it have been me, that would have been so cool to meet Paris, she's HOT!

Mon says the trip was successful. The kids and I survived the week, though we may be a little malnourished. And we now have giant photos of Paris Hilton in our living room. What a great country!