Cliff Jumping

This summer seems to have two themes. Jumping from high places and fixing crap. I'll explain the latter on a different post. The jumping started early this summer when we had taken the kids to Lake Coeur d'Alene and both kids stated jumping off a high dock with the other kids. That led to a hike around the lake to some cliffs (or "clifts" as Abby continues to call them). It was at those cliffs that Abby and Caleb impressed a bunch of teenagers with their bravery. They were hooked after that. Now every time we get on the boat, both kids are in search of more cliffs.

Surfing in Maui

In Maui I learned the secret to surfing in the ocean: Weigh 50 lbs or less! Caleb and Abby both loved learning how to surf.  I scouted a few businesses that taught people how to surf and then Caleb and I rented a surfboard and tried to stay within ear distance while they taught the basics of surfing.   We then hung out at a great learning area with small consistent waves. With a little push to get him going, Caleb was easily surfing for 100 yards plus.  The hardest part was him trying to get the 9-foot board back out past the breaking waves.  He beat at the waves until I body surfed in to help him get back out to the rolling waves.
  Abby joined us on the second day of surfing and surprisingly she loved it.  She seems to think that all surfers keep their hands fixed in the 'hang loose' sign,  constantly posing while on the surf board. She did great. I'm now a proud papa of two surfers.

We had a fantastic trip to Maui.  Lots of fun stuff and lots of relaxing too.
I bought a new waterproof video camera before our trip and started putting it to good use.  Here's my first video of some highlights as we snorkeled.  Caleb never really felt comfortable with the snorkel gear, but Abby loved it.  She's hang on the back of my shorts and we'd take off.  We saw several turtles, lots of colorful fish, and tons of beautiful coral.

First Day of School Fall 2011

Both Caleb, 9,  and Abby, 7,  have been excited for a few weeks to return to school.  Abby was especially excited to be at school for the full day and enjoy the fine cuisine of the elementary cafeteria and of course, recess.  Hearing her talk about recess makes me miss recess!

  As a parent, I couldn't be more proud of how well they are doing in school.  They both are confident and happy to start the adventure of a new school year.

  The night before the 1st day of school I had a nice chat with both Caleb and Abby separately.  Abby told me that she was nervous that she didn't know everyone in her class.  And sometimes it takes her a long time to learn every kids' names.  I assured her that she'd learn their names soon enough.  Ever the social butterfly, it will only be a matter of days before her new teacher will be asking Abby to not be chit-chatting during work-time.

  Caleb and I had a nice chat about swear words.  I asked Caleb if he knew what swear words were and if he hears them much.  Caleb likes to pretend to be much more innocent than he really is, like he's never heard any cuss words.  When I asked him if he knew any swear words, his smooth answer was, "they always beep out the words, so I don't know what they're saying".  We went over many swear words and their respective definitions with the instructions that he never use them.  We'll see how well that works out.

 Monica and I have taken advantage of the free day-care and warm weather by spending the last few days together, including a great day of just floating on the boat staring into each others eyes.

Maybe Jail is a Possibility for Abby

It took Abby a few months after Caleb tried to set the house on fire, but she was able to set her place in Wallaces' Funniest Stories as well. Monica has started substitute teaching which takes her out of the home sometimes while Abby is still in half-day kindergarten. We've tried to coordinate the days Mon teaches with days that I'm not working, but there are days when I get home at 8 AM, get the kids off to school, go to bed an hour later at 9, then I have to wake up in 3 hours at 12 noon to get Abby off the bus (it's school district policy that they won't let kindergartners off the bus unless a parent is present), get her some lunch and then she plays around house alone while I get some more sleep. Abby has an amazing imagination and can entertain herself very well, so it's worked out quite well.

Except on one cool day in April, we had this same scenario and as I went back to sleep around 1:00, I heard the answering machine pick up, and again, and again, and a 4th time. Both kids know not to answer the phone unless it reads 'Wallace' or 'Foster' on the caller ID, so it was no surprise that Abby didn't answer the phone, but I wondered who kept calling. I got up and looked at the phone which read a Spokane number. I called back the number, but it was a disconnected number. Seemed a little strange, but after asking Abby if everything was OK, I went back to bed. A few minutes later, the door bell rang. The door bell ringing is a strange sound at our home considering our location, we very rarely get unexpected visitors living out of town. I listened closely in bed to the see if Abby was answering the door, and started to again get out of bed. In my half-asleep state, I not only heard Abby open the door, but also a man's voice and him entering the house! I quickly jumped up and ran to the entry way to find a county sheriff standing with Abby. Realizing I was standing in my nothing but my underwear, I asked if everything was OK. The sheriff told me that he was responding to a 911 hang-up call. I was stunned and looked over at Abby who had her chin buried in her chest. I asked Abby if she had called 911 and she could barely move. As the cobwebs started to clear in my mind, I started to see the situation from the officer's perspective of a 911 call by a little girl with a man walking around in his underwear at 1:00 in the afternoon. After excusing myself to put on some pants, I came into the entry way with the officer asking Abby if everything was OK and if there was anything she needed to tell him. I understood his concern and tried to explain to him that I had worked the night shift and that she had just gotten home from school, but I'm not really sure he believed me. He left and Abby and I had a little chat about 911 calls, that they are for real.

(This blog story has neither a pic of the sheriff or of me in my underwear)

Abby's Highlights Video (Age 0-6)

There was no way I was going to get away not making a video for princess Abby!
Here are some of the highlights of our videos and pictures of Abby.

Abby's Power

Recently, Abby came up to Monica and me and told us how the deer come up to her when she plays her toy recorder. She then showed us the wind instrument and even danced around the kitchen like some sort of snake trainer. Mon and I looked her and then each other, and laughed at our perfect little princess. Abby does have quite the imagination and expresses random thoughts nearly every day about her being a princess, librarian, or a rock star.

She is our self-entertainer and can be found in her room playing hours on end with dolls, singing to herself, or teaching her stuffed animals how to read. So when she told us of her new talent of being some sort of deer whisperer, it was easy to down-play as a make-believe story. And then something extraordinary happened a few weeks ago. Abby quietly yelled for Monica and me to come to the front door to see the deer she had called over. When we got to the front door and looked out the screen door, we both could barely believe our eyes. Abby had played her small recorder-like instrument at the front door and apparently a small fawn walked right up to the front porch, never loosing eye-contact with Abby. It was amazing. Mon told me to take a picture with my phone to prove that it really did happen. I always knew that Abby was an angel sent from the heavens, and this may be the proof.

Sports time

I've been catching a lot of slack for not updating the family blog. But I'm getting back on the horse...or is it the bandwagon?...whatever it is that I'm suppose to get on..I'm on it!!! That didn't sound right either.
Sports!! I love sports, and both Caleb, 7 and Abby, 5 are getting there fill of sports these days. We've tried to take advantage of living in the 'big city' by following the local teams. There are teams that most of you outside Spokane have never heard of, but to Caleb, the best player on Spokane Chiefs Hockey team might as well be Wayne Gretzky.
The downside? Every team has some sort of cheerleader or dance team, and it's those dancing chicks in short skirts that seem to make the biggest impact on Abby. Shortly after high school (when I did love watching the cheerleaders), my brother and I both agreed that cheerleading should have no part of sporting events, they're just a nuisance really. And I also feel that it's a little degrading to women to have them wear their skimpy outfits and jump up and down in front of the crowds....oh, I sound so mean, I know. And because of my cruel thoughts, how has karma paid me back? It made my daughter fall in love with the idea of being a cheerleader...now that's mean! What's happened to my brother, you ask? He's only parented boys thus far, but how sweet would it be if one of those boys was a cheerleader? Sorry bro.
This winter, we even decided to let Monica join us for a sporting event and invited her to come to a hockey game with us. She was a good-luck-charm for the team though, not only did they score six goals (free Chalupas for everyone!!), but one player scored three goals for the first hat-trick on the team in years!
Basketball season is now upon us and Caleb and we have some sweet systems when watching local high school teams. Remember that my love for sports is quickly followed by my love to not spend money. We either try and get in the gym during the J.V. game, avoiding having to pay, or use other methods of free admission (which may or may not include Caleb walking past the ticket window as a little innocent boy and running to the other side of the gym and opening the door for pops!)

Abby "cheering" at a Lady Gonzaga game. My idea of showing her that girls can play the sports too backfired after she was given these pom poms.

I think Wayne Gretzky is down there playing?

Great looking fam!..celebrating free Chalupas from Taco Bell

At a minor league baseball game last summer

Safety Second

As an ICU nurse, I catch a little slack from docs and nurses about letting my kids ride there 4-wheeler and motorcycle, but I don't think I'd have it any other way. I won't bore anyone with my opinion of our "safety first" society and how it's smothering our own kids' confidence as well as there sense of adventure, but please note, I'm not in agreement. I'm more of a "laugh-first, safety-second Dad.

The new ride this summer is the Honda CRX 50. I bought it off Craigslist last Christmas for a smokin' deal, but it took me about 8 months to get it running (remember that I am a nurse). Caleb has taken to the motorcycle with a lot of excitement, and it's been a fairly easy transition from his 4-wheeler. It only took a couple times of falling over to remember when he stops, the needs to put his feet on the ground.

Abby has been wanting to ride the 4 wheeler for a couple years now, but this summer was the first time that we let her drive around without me running behind her. She does a great job and is loving every second. Her biggest challenge is when the camera comes out, she's more interested in posing for the photo rather then watching where she's going (see video).

Some videos from Wallace Park

Kneebording summer

Our typical day at the lake started by doing some yard maintenance then heading out on the boat. As good parents, we let the kids play first, but that meant we had to bring out the dreaded tubes. I realize that for most people, tubes are a blast. They're easy to ride, can be a ton of fun, and require no teaching/learning. But for those of us who frequent the lake a lot, tubes can also be a total drag (get it?) They hog up time and gas, all the kids want to ride them going slightly faster than a walking pace, and frankly it's boring to watch.

The last month of the summer I heard a friend of mine explain that had the same feelings about tubes and had made the rule on his boat that his kids had to do anything else, whether is being wake boarding, knee boarding or even just dragged behind the boat with only a rope, all before the tube riding began. It was great idea and I gave it life on our boat and it worked like a charm.

Not only did the kids love to knee board, but the last few times this summer, we didn't even bring the tubes with us...blissful times. Here's the proof

And video evidence

Merry Christmas! Shitter was Full!

**Please visit website link http://www.jailfreewallacefamily.blogspot.com/ to understand title**

****you can't view videos on email****

Ahh the pleasures of living on acreage: Our closest neighbor is 400-500 ft away, I can stand on my porch in my underwear, I have my own water source and I also have huge tanks to collect the waste products produced by me and my family. Who doesn't grow up dreaming about their own 1000 gallon tank to fill with poop? You could say that the septic tank is like a sports referee, the less it's noticed the better, but when it's a problem...it really stinks (get it?).

Last week, our septic alarm went off. I pressed the alarm reset button and the noise went away. Problem solved, right? Wrong...bummer (get it?). A few days later, I was tooling around watering the lawn and killing gophers when a stench overtook me. Now, I'm used to some bad smells being a man, a father and a nurse, but this smell was different and I knew something was wrong. Upon searching for the source I noted that sewage was overflowing our septic tanks. Crap! (get it?)



I was really confused at first with the smell. Since I know for a fact that my own personal feces has a fragrance similar to that of roses and fresh baked bread. But I guess when it's mixed with Monica's, Caleb's and Abby's waste, even my own sweet odor is taken over by a very foul smell.

We have a three tank system, with the third and last tank that pumps the effluent (left over liquid) into a sand mound that filters our waste until the water eventually makes it's way down to our well for drinking...yummy.

After a few phone calls, a lot of research, and a little haggling, I had all of our septic tanks pumped out and a brand new septic pump installed. Of course my wallet is much lighter now, and I'm trying to convince the kids that Disneyland isn't as important as a working sewage system...but they're not buying it. I'd like to see Goofy turn my pooh into drinking water.

Scarry Nights

The princess of the house turned 5 this week. She had a great week filled with cards, gifts, privileges and a party with a giant rat named Chuck E. Cheese. Abby has been an easy child to raise thus far...except at night. For several years now, Abby has what most would call 'night terrors'. And it isn't that rare to find Abby walking around the house at 2 AM sleep walking. But mostly she just screams in her sleep. She screams in the middle of the night 2-3 times a week and then almost always screams and moans as she wakes up in the morning. It's all very odd. My good friend Google taught me that roughly 15% of kids ages 2-7 have night terrors and that it mostly is caused by lack of sleep. Which doesn't make too much sense because Abby usually takes a nap plus sleeps for nearly 11-12 hours each night, but I guess it could be the cause. Monica and I have adapted to the screaming fairly well. She usually stops after a minute or so, but if it's longer, one of us gets up to check on her. Caleb doesn't have our patience and sometimes will yell at her to "be quiet" from his own bed. There was a period of time that Abby liked to sleep in Caleb's room on an air mattress. But we found out that when Abby screamed, Caleb would toss toys, stuffed animals and books at her from his bunk bed like it was some sort of target practice. The good news is that the screeching has become less frequent and most the experts state that kids will grow out of it.

Back From Suspension

And we're back. My suspension is over. I'd like to apologize to all my fans who missed me....and tell them to get a life.

Caleb's basketball season came to an end. We all had a great time watching him this year. I'm a little biased, but the kid is a natural. He dominated those 5-6 year olds.

Here's a quick look at the last few weeks. (As always, you must actually visit the blog site Keeping Toddlers out of Jail, to view the videos) We have become a skiing family. I've started to take Abby and she became quite good in a short time. I'm pretty sure of her motivation when she frequently asked questions like "where does Caleb ski? I want to go there" or "does Caleb go as fast as me?". With the huge amounts of snow, we spent "spring" break skiing as a family. It was the first time we've all been together on the slopes and it was loads of fun. We had one day of fresh snow and another day of sunshine, a perfect way to end the season.

Our one mishap happened the first time up a different chair-lift for Abby. Getting off the chair was a little more steep than she was use to and when Abby saw the drop off she clung to the chair. So as I got off, Abby stayed on the chair screeching as she took a ride above me. The lift operator stopped the chair lift and I was able to get able to jump into my out-stretched arms.

One funny thing that I've seen both Caleb and Abby do is sing while they ski. During particularly long runs, I've overheard both kids, when alone, singing. It's both very cute and quite odd at the same time.

Caleb and I scored a few tickets to watch the Harlem Globetrotters. They put on a great show for the kids. The Washington Generals put up a great fight, but came up a little short again. Maybe next game Generals.

Monica did a show in Portland, which meant it was single-parent time for yours truly. It was week full of Ramon and Chef Boardee products. Good times.

My frugalness (most call it being cheap) has continued to become a part our lives. We have stocked up on food and supplies for dirt cheap prices. I've found several websites that list deals at pharmacies and grocery stores and then taken advantage of what's available in our area. It has taken some time, and I still have a lot to learn, but I'm totally hooked on free toothpaste, free burgers and all the other sweet deals. The picture of the cans of soup was a sweet deal I found at Albertsons. After the coupons and instant rebates, I made $10!

We've made a long term goal of sailing for a year starting in the summer of 2017. Rough estimates have been discussed on how much money we'll need, hence the need to save more. I've always wanted to travel with my kids to other parts of the world for a variety of reasons and sailing seems like a natural way to accomplish that goal for an extended period of time. And yes, Monica has agreed to come.

The purchase of a sailboat has morphed into the perfect excuse to not spend money. Every time we tell the kids 'no', they respond by asking if we're still saving money to buy a big sail boat. The excuse may have reached it's limit yesterday when Caleb came and told me he's figured out a way to get lots of money to buy our sailboat, "you just have to put all your jewelry into an envelope and send it in!"

With the snow melting, home projects have started around our place. Among them are a total remodel of the kids' bathroom, new counter tops and back splash in the kitchen, painting the walls in several rooms, creating a space for Monica to teach Piano in the den, finishing touches on the shop, and a continued quest for a soccer/base ball field at Wallace park.

I've even had to expand my remodel skills into the world of plumbing. Hopefully we won't have a waterfall into the living room every time the kids take a shower.

In case an moles are reading this blog, (not people who lie to others, actual moles) this is your final warning. Stay away from our property or prepare to take a long dirt nap.

Winter Sports

With the freezing temperatures lately, it's been hard on me and the kids having to stay indoors all day. We still have a couple feet on the ground, but it may as well be granite rock all over after weeks of freezing temperatures and no new snow.

We have found a few activities to keep the kids from iCarly and Spongebob. We went roller skating with Caleb's school night. It was both Caleb and Abby's first time on roller skates and it was a lot of fun to watch...Yes, I said watch. There's no way I'm strapping on a pair of those coccyx crunchers again. Monica did skate around with the kids until they both told her to let them skate by themselves. They held different activities for the kids that night including a race. And when they invited the kids who wanted to participate, Caleb was the first out there. Monica and I thought about telling him that he shouldn't participate since this was his first time and that he was a really really slow skater...but what fun would that be? Thankfully, they divided the kids up age and Caleb's group only had three kids. The race consisted of one kid who knew how to skate, who made it around the cones in about 20 seconds, while Caleb and the other kid took a painfully long 5 minutes to skate/scoot/walk around the cones. It was quite a scene as the other kids cheered on Caleb and his buddy to the finish line.

Abby has been ice skating about 10 times since last year. She's becoming quite good according to Monica. She refuses to be with her Mom there also. She started out using a bar that's held like an old person's walker, but has since gone bar-free. If she can stay bar-free, it'll help with my goal in rasing kids who stay out of jail...get it? Bar-free! I crack myself up.

Both kids continue thier sports endeavors of basketball and gymnastics. We love watching them gain confidence in themselves. Both are involved in programs that promote trying new things and being a team player, which is important at their young ages. They can learn to be selfish later.

Caleb and I also finally made it up the mountain to go skiing last week for the first time this year. He started right where he left off last year and even skied the last half of the day without the edgy-wedgie. The edgy-wedgie is, other than my all-time favorite name of a product, a little rubber tubing that holds kids' ski tips together. Try saying 'edgy-wedgy' five times without smiling.

Hopefully we'll get either more snow or some warmer weather soon, (40 degrees! That's not too much to ask for is it?) so we can start playing outside again.

Toys For Sale

While working on the shop, Caleb and Abby have been playing with my tools and the scrap wood. Both have made "houses" out of scraps and nails. And yesterday Caleb hammered together what looks like a small table but insisted on calling it a "stand". Monica and I know exactly what Caleb is referring to when he calls something a "stand"; a place to sell/buy stuff. I'm not sure of the origin of this word in Caleb's vocabulary, though it is consistent with other kids selling lemonade or cookies from a "stand" during the summer. Yesterday, after building his "stand", Caleb told me he had planned selling some of his toys on said stand in our driveway. Though this idea was totally ridiculous since we live out of town and the end of our 1/4 mile driveway is a 45 mph road, it was however an improvement from the last time Caleb built a "stand". Two summers ago, Caleb and Abby found a bunch of shells left over from the previous owners of our home and decided to set up a table and sell them. Not a bad idea except they set up their table in our garage...1/4 mile away from the road...far away from any traffic. We thought it was very cute and begged Monica's parents, Grandpa and Grandma Foster, to come over and buy some shells. They did buy some, but I'm pretty sure in good Foster-Fashion, they got Caleb to lower the price. I digress.

Caleb's new stand was to sell toys. I played along for awhile as he gathered up some broken toys and put them in zip lock bags with hand-written price tags. He wrote $10 for 3 Hot Wheels. He wrote $11 for a couple toys he got with his Happy Meals. And I think he wanted $12 for a remote control car, remote not included. I tried to explain to him that the prices were a little high and that the toys would only be worth what someone was willing to pay. He didn't quite get the concept though, he just smiled and told me what Lego set he could buy with his $33. I did convince him that setting up his stand at the end of the driveway wasn't going to work and discussed some other ways of selling stuff. I told him about using the computer or that I could take his toys to work and ask other parents to buy them for there kids... In other words, the only thing I could think of from keeping my son from selling his Hot Wheels on a highway shoulder was to buy them for twenty times their worth.

Think of Caleb as Citigroup wanting to sell a bunch of crap and me as the U.S. Government willing to buy all of it at an inflated price. Smart kid.

Good Morning Daughter

8:00 AM

Me yelling upstairs to Abby's room: "Abby, breakfast is ready. Please put your clothes on (from your pajamas) and come downstairs".

8:05 AM

Abby come down stairs in her pajamas and eats breakfast.

8:25 AM

Me after Abby's done with breakfast: "Abby, please go upstairs, to your room, and put on your clothes, Mommy has set them out for you".

8:30 AM

Me: "Abby, PLEASE go upstairs and change your clothes." Abby runs upstairs.

8:40 AM

Abby comes downstairs talking to a doll in her hands, still wearing her pajamas. Me: "Abby!, upstairs now!" Abby runs upstairs again.

8:45 AM

Abby walks into the living room still wearing her pajamas. She sees me and yells, "Stop looking at me!". She turns around and runs upstairs again.

8:46 AM

I yell upstairs, "Abby do not come down her until you've put your clothes on, do you understand?"

8:50 AM

I hear Abby on the stairs talking to herself in her typical cutesy voice. And then I realize who I'm dealing with: a girl who no longer is young enough to listen to her Dad. She's sitting on the stairs, (note she has not come down the stairs yet) reading a book IN HER PAJAMAS!!! (see actual photo)

8:52 AM

I go outside to work on the shop contemplating living with a teenage girl for the next 14 years.

For the Love of Sleep

I've worked the night shift for almost 8 years now. I understand the need for sleep, though I do think sleep is a little over-rated. I can function fine on less shut-eye than most, but I do need some.

This week has been a test of my theory that only a little sleep is needed. Caleb has been acting very weird at night, only sleeping 1-2 hours and then not being able to get back to sleep. It's been one of the hardest weeks of my adult life. Nothing seems to make sense. He broke his arm 2 weeks ago and had a couple hard nights, that made sense though. But now he's not having any pain, he can turn himself in bed fine, but the boy just won't sleep.

This is what she's suppose to look like

I've tried everything from threatening him, yelling at him, sleeping with him, and comforting him, but nothing can keep him asleep for more than 2 hours at a time. Of course all the commotion at night wakes up Abby too, which causes a surreal moment of the entire family wondering around the house at 2 AM. My last idea was to tell him that if he couldn't sleep, he could close his door and play quietly in his room. So at 3 AM, Caleb would wake up, turn on his light and starting playing with his Lego's. I even checked on him a couple times while he was playing and he just smiled and asked if I wanted to play with him. The kicker to all this is that he hasn't been tired during the day either. Monica and I have been walking around like zombies and Caleb hasn't even taken a nap to recoup from his sleepless night.

A moment of Peace as Caleb sleeps

I'm fairly sure this is a phase, I hope this is phase....please, for the love of all that is good on earth, let this be a phase...